The Life and Times of Poopwa Foley

Please tweeze!

Posted on: March 27, 2009

I have to say, my sister and I really have each other’s backs. 

Let me explain.

Among other things, we have had morbid discussions about being in a coma.  We both agree that if we’re ever in a coma, our families are instructed NOT to pull the plug. 

Just don’t. 

Get those itchy trigger fingers away from my plug…I don’t care how much you want the ring Aunt Tilly gave me 45 years ago just because you saw a similar one on Ebay that would put two of your kids through college, and the doctors say that there’s absolutely NOT A CHANCE that I’ll ever quit drooling, and my muscles lack any sort of tone…don’t do it. 

We both have seen too many stories in the media about how doctors were just about to take the patient off life support when that very patient sits up, looks around sleepily, and asks for a cheeseburger, a shot of tequila, three scratch-off cards and a pair of friggin slippers, for crying out loud, because my feet are freezing.

So uh, yeah, leave the plug alone.

One conversation I had with my sister sticks out in my memory, however.  I was not married or dating at the time–no significant other–and had this sudden, awful thought as I was driving along.

Who would tuck the covers around my chin at night if I was in a coma?   For heaven’s sake, I would be making the front page of the Vampire Gazette if they knew I was sleeping with an unprotected neck.

Grabbing my cell phone, I immediately dialed the only person who would calmly listen to my request, without laughing, and fulfill it.  My sister.

She never batted an eyelash, bless her heart. 

Of course, she said, all businesslike.

Like it’s not weird at all to field that sort of request.

She followed up with a request of her own:  “Just make sure that if I am the one in a coma that you come and make sure that all of my chin hairs are tweezed out so that I’m not sporting some kind of coma-ish fu-manchu stash when people come to visit.”

Of course, I say seriously.

Ah, sisters.  No one understands you like they do.

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