The Life and Times of Poopwa Foley

Archive for October 2012

What do these three things have in common?
Spitty, lipsticky kisses on the lips from Great Aunt Martha.
The biology test you completely forgot to study for…and it’s today.
Not being able to remember if you logged out of Facebook before your mom borrowed your laptop…and you may or may not have said a bad word or two.  About her.
The thing they all have in common?  They are all things that make you frightened, or in the case of Great Aunt Martha, a little bit skeeved out.
If you like being scared, however, you must love the onset of Halloween and all that entails…like haunted houses, anyone?
Ok, this one looks fun.  I like the spider and the witch.
There are several in the Rockford area.  First, the Karnival of Karnage…forever a frightening favorite.   Days they’re in operation:  October 26th and 27th from 7pm to midnight, and the 28th from 7-10pm.  Held at the Boone County Fairgrounds.
Second, in case you haven’t gone completely hoarse, there’s the Screamatorium.  They’re available to scare you from October 24th through the 31st from 7 to 11 pm and located in Popular Grove.  I believe certain male children of mine (I’m not mentioning any names, but you know who you are because I only have one male child) had weak jelly knees during this quaint little tour of terror. 
Next up, the Fear Asylum.  Although why anyone would willingly go to a place where you know you’re going to be chased by chainsaw wielding clowns, or be startled into screaming by something in the dark grabbing your ankle…well, no way.   If you’re up for it, though, their hours are: 7 to 11 pm, October 24 to 31st.   
And of course, there’s the oldie but goodie, the Fright Fest at Six Flags Great America.  What a fun place to be.  Recently my sister took her newly minted teenagers to Fright Fest, and the 13 year old (rhymes with Smidget) was chased by a zombie.  I’m sure she’s still checking under beds and carrying nunchuks.
If you’re even thinking about going to one of these places, perhaps you need a cat scan of some sort.  I’m not saying, I’m just saying.  If I’m ever in the mood to be scared, I check prices on heartworm medication for the dog or open the electric bill or count how many days until Christmas.  That usually does the trick for me and I’m breathing into a paper bag in no time.
However, I’m a little bit (a lotta bit) older than the kids who like to frequent haunted houses, so kids…go for it and have fun.
Happy Halloween!
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The In Print professional writing group is having our second annual Book Fair at Barnes and Noble at the Cherry Valley Mall, Cherry Valley IL, on Saturday, October 20, 2012 from 11am until 5pm.
Featured will be guest authors, signings, readings, panel discussions, and children events. I have it on good authority that there could be some people in costume, seeing as it’s so close to Halloween!
If you mention In Print when you check out, Barnes & Noble will donate a percentage of Saturday’s purchases to our group. Our Bookfair ID number is 10803369.
Come out and support our group, browse the bookstore, and have a warm coffee drink! If you can’t make the Book Fair, visit BN.com/bookfairs online to support us from 10/20/12 until 10/25/12, and use our ID number, 10803369 at checkout.

The Book Fair is being held in lieu of our monthly meeting.   The next monthly meeting will be at the Cherry Valley Library,  November 10, 2012, from 1-4 pm.

For those of you who are squeamish, please, for the love of God, look away now.  Don’t read any more.
For those of you who yearn to live vicariously through me…please, pull up a chair.  Let me tell you about my day.
At 45-almost-46, my baby factory has been shut down for quite some time, due to the fact that I had my tubes tied after I had my youngest daughter almost 20 years ago. 
I am now 240 months postpartum; I guess I should work on getting the baby weight off.  (#tryharder)
About 2 months ago, despite having my tubes tied, I exhibited every single symptom of pregnancy.  Sore boobs, lack of period, bloating, mood swings, nausea.  In short, I was really, really fun to be around.   When I say really, really fun to be around, I am lying through my teeth.
Just when the symptoms made me think I should go buy a pregnancy test, (despite the slim odds) or a priest for my exorcism, what should happen? 
Aunt Flo came to town.
And the flipping bitch didn’t want to leave.
I asked her nicely to leave.  When that didn’t work, I pouted.  I threw fits.  I threatened.  I drank.  I bribed. 
My family wisely hid the knives behind the furniture. 
I finally said Uncle.  I went to the doctor, explained everything, was examined, had blood drawn, levels tested, and a negative pregnancy test.  All tests normal.  (Praise God.)  So far, so good.  She then started me on something to help staunch the…well…you know.  Besides the referral to an actual gynecologist, I thought that was the end of that.
Except that I had to get an ultrasound today.  And not just any ultrasound, mind you. 
(*here’s where I would normally insert a picture.  However, I don’t have any pictures from the events of today that would be appropriate here.  After all, I don’t know you that well.)
The medical test from hell started when I had to drink 48 oz of water from 12:30 until 1:00 pm.  I’m quite the water drinker.  I drink water all day long.  However, drinking this much water in ½ hour was enough to make even me gag.
I parked the car at the hospital and despite having my legs crossed tightly the entire time was able to get to the ultrasound department.  It was approximately 7.5 miles from where I parked.  I was afraid I was going to be late.  The panicked staccato taps of my high heels on the tile floor took my mind off how badly I had to go to the bathroom.

Chris has a bad day

The first part of the test was uneventful.  I greatly enjoyed the warmth of the ultrasound gel on my lower belly.  It was very soothing.  The room was quiet and the light was dim and I would have fallen asleep except for the excruciating pressure on my straining bladder.
When the test was over, I was led to the bathroom and told to take my time.  I peed as if I hadn’t seen a toilet in a month.  The relief was immediate and immense.
The ultrasound tech was hiding in the hallway and sprang out at me when I exited in the bathroom. 
Her:  “Are you ready for the second part of your test?”
Me:  “Do you mean the part where I walk down the hall and find the exit?”
Her:  (chuckling expansively) “Silly you.  The second part, the internal exam.”
Me:  (smile fades, face pales.)  “No.  No, I’m not ready for that.”
Despite the elfin size, her iron grip lead me directly back into the room, where I am forced to “take off everything below the waist, but if you want to leave your shoes on you can.”
Leave my shoes on?  Really?  And take everything else off?  I have on black high heels, no pantyhose.  The thought of being nekked below the waist except for black high heels was a bit…pornographic to me.  The shoes came off with all the other below the waist things, and I was grateful that I had a cute pedicure.
Funny what you think of, grooming wise, when you’re having an internal ultrasound.  My feet were not the only thing I had groomed, and I was glad.
“You’ll feel a slight pressure.”  It was the only warning I got before the “wand” was “inserted” by Vlad the Impaler.
She apologized for the “pressure” over and over while applying said pressure and also for the fact that a couple of times I choked on it as it was coming up my throat.   
Finally she finished up and withdrew the entire 3 feet of wand.  I am thrown several dry washcloths to absorb all of the gel.  I feel like the guy in the shower in “The Crying Game.”
She escorted me down the hall.  I noticed that she kept looking to the right and left.  
Me:   “Did you lose something?”
Her:  “No.  I’m just looking for the right sized broomstick.  You’re not my only ultrasound today.”
***
Stay tuned.
*I went home and told my friend Lambrusco all about it. 

What is fall bringing with it this year besides lower temperatures, frost on the pumpkin, and defrosting your car’s windshield in the morning?  As far as Krystine Vermeer of Infinitely Sweet is concerned, it’s “Stripes, Stripes, Stripes.  Chevron is still hanging in there.  Prints in general are pretty hot this season.  Long maxi skirts are here for a while too.  Knitted sweaters, dresses and cardigans are perfect for fall and winter.  They keep us warm and look stylish.  And now, with knits as a trend, there are plenty of knitted items available, in all possible colors, prints, and lengths.”
can you believe the choices?
 I have to photobomb a little bit here; bear with me.  There are so many good pictures I’m having a hard time picking just a few. 



Cool, right?  You never want to leave.



Infinitely Sweet is participating in the Cider and Cinnamon weekend at Edgebrook Shopping Center, Rockford, IL, so you could drop by there and see what I’m talking about.
  

 

decisions, decisions.





One more, if you will bear with me…
    

Bring your jukebox money.  You’ll want to spend it on this instead!!!
oh, yes.







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  • None
  • Mary Fran Says: Thank you for contributing to Sweeps Week! We make a great team. Maybe we'll collaborate in our next lives? SISTERS! lol :)
  • Mary Fran Says: What's better than a Baby Shower aka Early Baby Birthday Party? Baby's FIRST Birthday Party! (Although it's hard to call them "baby" by one! They grow
  • Ann Jones: I'll have to check it out, thanks for the heads up!

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